Im beginning to wonder if I will ever be a complete person. Its very frusterating having 2 different worlds. Lately ive been lazy with these worlds and a few people could find me out if they really wanted. Why am I even typing this here? 1 b/c no one reads it. and 2. Maybe b/c I want to be found out. I want to be in the open and be able to write about why im happy with myself today. I hide b/c it hurts others, not b/c it hurts me. I just want to be whole. I want one journal where I can vent and talk about everything. Not 2 seperate ones where I have to be careful of what info I reveal. Only one person in my life is in both worlds. Will I ever allow anyone else to make the cross over?

He doesnt care anymore. I never thought I would see this day.

Do you ever just feel like you're going crazy and no one around you cares to notice?

In some ways life is great. Im on my own in college and I can do what I want when I want. The problem here is that I dont know what I want. Im on my own but I dont feel like it. I cant just pick up and leave at my will since I dont have my license or a car. I hope to change that this summer. Speaking of summer, I only have about 3 months left and school is over. 3 short months and im done with my freshman year in college. I have nothing to show for this. Hopefully a good GPA but no new life experiences to speak of. Im pathetic.

Its just one of those days where everything bothers me.

I should be doing english that due on Friday but instead I spend my time listening to music and going on myspace. Myspace depresses me today, yet I continue to go. I messed up last night and I cant get over it. I need a break from the internet.

I also realized that I havent talked to Kevin in weeks. I dont like that but I have nothing to talk to him about. He hates my music and since im pathetic thats all my life is at the moment.

I need to call Kate, and talk to my grandparents.

Time is running out. What am I gonna do about it?

I can no longer sleep at night. Im really sick of this. Im so tired in the daytime but im afraid to nap since that will make sleeping at night worse! Errrrrr

I have no trouble sleeping at home. I go to bed really early when im home. But here for the last month or so before I left its horrible. I dont have a class till 11:30 tmr so I'll probably be up even later tonight.

Maybe I need to read more? I'll try and finish the 3rd Harry Potter tonight. Im only a few chapters in.

"...and my weakness is that I care to much..."

My mom told me yesterday that my cat flung some crap onto the floor and he covered it with the bathroom rug. haha! That made my day. She said she walked in and noticed the rug was bunched up and out of place and she lifted it up and there it was. She couldnt get mad at him cuz it was cute.

Internet drama

You would think that at 25 people would be a bit more mature and not start shit with people they dont know. Seriously he is an attention whore who craves drama but then gets all pissed when you give him what he wants. Its lame and im over it. Its scary to think that at 18 im way more mature than a 25 year old.