So much to write, im probably forgetting everything

Ok so I've been home since Wed and I have a lot to update about.

So Wed my mom pics Alycia and I up. It was her first time being there since she dropped me off in August. I love my momma. She met Jake and she thinks I should bring him home lmao. Thats not gonna happen. She sees the Jacque thing too. So we drop off Alycia and then we get home and I see my sis. She is happy to see me which is great. That night I put her to bed and she wants me to lay with her. We "gossiped" haha as much as you can with an 8 year old anyways. So I tell that I will sleep in her bed with her that night and she got really excited. So that night I attempt to lay with her but she doesnt stop moving and I lay awake till 1:30 am. I go to the living room and I play with my cat. OMG he is sooooo adorable. I dont know how to insert that pic over here. but thats him. Im worried about him tho. Hes gotten smaller. see that pink tummy in the pic, well its gone! and he has baby fluff. well thats what I call it. Hes more needy than he used to be and my mom doenst play with him or give him love like I do. Im just a worry wort and as sad as it sounds I dont think I could live without him. I wish I could take him back to my dorm. Anyways he developed a cute habit. I guess now he closes the door over when hes using his litter box. How adorable! My mom said she was by the door one day and he was in there and he got out and pawed the door closed. She was so surprised. He also meows if you open the door. haha hes adorable. Wed night he played with my feet, he hasnt done that since he was a kitten. I cant wait till Dec and I can be home and spend more time with him. haha I love those pics the most.

Thurs:
Thanksgiving. Not the best day ever and it was my fault mostly. It started out crappy. My mom stopped at the store and my sis and I stayed in the car. I look over to my right and see 3 hunters get out of a truck. I dont like hunters to begin with and then I look in the back of the truck and I see a deer. I seroiously wanted to cry. The poor thing was just lying there. Its head propped on the side of the truck by the tailgate, probably still warm. I just thought of its family and how awful it is when I loose a member of my family and how awful it must be for them. They have to know its that time of year. Gosh im to sensitive sometimes. Then I just got really angry at those guys and wanted to beat the shit out of them. but of course I cant. Then I see a lady get out of a vehicle with her hunter husband and I decided I can never marry a hunter. I wouldnt be able to be with a man like that. It just makes me sick. Then I thought of the book The Pact by Jodi Piccoult and one of the husbands was a hunter and the other was a vet. There is one part where the hunters dog gets sick and the vet wants to put him down but the hunter takes him out back and shoots him. Im making that way more simple than it was but still. My point is that I want the vet not the hunter.

Im done with this for now. Thurs has barely started but its already long.

My amazing grandma.

Well, I did call my gma. I almost started crying on the phone with her but I managed to hold it in. I just dont get why she has to go through so much. What is she still holding on for? Sometimes I just want to come out and ask her. I have ideas but I want to hear it from her. I want to tell her shes crazy and that whatever reason she has isnt worth all the suffering she endures.
She might not be out of the hospital for thanksgiving. It just makes me sad for her. On holidays when shes there. I know shes surrounded my staff who love and care about her but its not the same as being with your family. I was looking forward to coming home and staying wed night with her so I could make the pies at her house and she could tell me how. I feel bad that she cant cook or bake anymore but at least if she were home she could tell me how to make the pies she normally makes and we could have that time back. I would always bake when I went to her house, which was all the time. Sometimes I worry that I wont remember how to make everything when shes gone. I still havent made cinnamon rolls, or bread, or perfected fudge. I have yet to know her sauce for cole slaw or how to even make it. I just miss how things used to be. My grandma is not the typical grandma and I love that. Shes the one I gossip with and watch movies with. Our favs are Coyote Ugly and Bad Boys. She loves anything Will Smith. Shes the one that tells inappropriate jokes and the one I can tell anything too. I often tell her more than I tell my mom. Shes the one thats proud of me for things not worthy of being proud of. Shes the one that encourages me and get excited for the things in my life. Shes the one that takes interest in everything I am. She may not have any clue what im talking about but she listens and askes questions like she does. She just all around supports me. Its hard to know she wont see my college graduation, my first job, teach me how to be a mother, be a great grandma, and everything else. Shes suppose to walk me through motherhood, and approve my husband. Hopefully not in that order lol. Shes suppose to just teach me all the things I dont know about life yet. Shes suppose to be my support. Every holiday I hear that it could be her last. Not from her but my mom. I thought last year was the last thanksgiving and then this year came. I thought last year was the last x-mas but another is approaching. This x-mas scares me. A lot of deaths in my family tends to happen around then. Ok im done with this and thinking about all these things. More memories to come.

I dread the day she passes.
I cant live without her.

I have to call my grandparents tmr!!!!!! Scratch that, I have to call my gma and then call my uncle to talk to my gpa. I miss my gma and all the stuff we do together. I get to stay the night with her for the first time since I left for college. Coyote Ugly here I come. haha. I'll explain more later on my grandma and I's weirdness. Its 2am and I need some sleep cuz Alycia wants to go to breakfast tmr. They better have tater tots!!!

Ok so last night I went to bed at 1am with the intent of getting up at 7am to finish my hw. Since I had a headache and have had a hard time getting to sleep I took 2 tylenol sleeping pills. Not a good idea. I woke up at 8:45 and didnt get all that I needed to done. Not a huge deal since the things I was working on wernt being graded yet but I told a friend I would look over his papers and give him feedback and I just didnt have time. I felt bad but luckily I still have time to do it. Anyways I only studied for math for about 15 min and I probably failed. If I dont pass math then I cant take psych (i dont know who made up that lame rule) and then I will be behind on my possible major by a year.

So the philosophy essay that was going to be a class late wasnt! I guess she pushed the date back so I was happy! Now I just have to figure out what to do about first aid. That ones gonna be tricky.

So It's friday night and my plan is to do nothing! So far I have watched Samantha Who, which is a great show and now im about to watch October Road. I just need a day without homework.

My mom had her biopsy done today and I felt horrible b/c I forgot to call her this morning and when I did call I woke her up with the machine. Good news is that she said it didnt hurt. Now we just have to see how the results come back to know if they can proceed with the 2nd step. Ill spare the details even tho I dont think anyone reads this.

Tmr my plan is to get all of my hw done. I tend to sit in my room on the computer during weekends and that has to stop. I either need to be doing hw or I need to get my ass outta my room! So yea hw all day tmr. Ill go to the library if I have to. I think I also want to bake. Probably cookies since my roommie(sp?) has a baking sheet. I miss baking, it was my stress reliever.

Ok this is long im sure I'll be back a lot this weekend.

ohh yea I forgot to mention IM A SPAZZ!
errr

Yep im back.

It's now 2:30am and I really need to go to bed. I finished my english hw but its crap as usual. I hate not having real deadlines for these assignments and since my teacher isnt reading what I wrote I didnt put as much effort into it. Oh well I really dont care.

So I've decided that I dont like the name of this journal. hmmmmm isnt really working for me. I dont know how to change it tho. err.

Tmr will be a productive day! I will:
1. Clean my dorm, its getting really unorganized and I dont like that. To much chaos for me to handle.
2. Do my Philosophy essay since I have to now turn it in on Thurs.
3. Call my grandparents since It's been about a week and I feel horrible about that.
4. Call my sis since she never calls me. (In her defense shes 8.)
5. Do my math hw and study for the test of Friday.
6. Do the 2nd revisions to all my genre pieces and do some of the fill in work.
7. Read a new book instead of spending so much time on myspace.

I think I might actually like using this.

Shitty day

Well im in procrastination mode so I'll make my first post. Im suppose to be doing english but my english hw is on Brighten and it just makes me want to go to their page and watch their videos and yea its not a fun cycle. haha. So after this rant im about to do, im gonna have to unplug my internet cuz thats the only way I'll get anything done.

Let the ranting begin!

Ok so I'll start with last night. I went to bed around 4am and I still didnt have my philosophy essay done. Great considering it was due today! I failed at life on that one. So then I go to bed and im all stresses so I dont sleep that much and I slept through my 9am class. Fun for me. Then I hear the phone ring and my roommie answeres and its Emma. Im like wtf? How did she get my number. She makes me get up and go to math. Which, I must say I gotta lover her for cuz I would have slept through that as well. So I get up and go to math and then I come home and I have 2 hours to get my philosophy essay done. I didnt and I also didnt make it to that class since I decided I didnt want to sit there for over an hour wasting time when I had a million other things to do. So I get my math hw done. Turns out I forgot to write down half the problems and I got my hw back and I got 1 out of 5. I freaked and then realized my mistake and got the teacher to let me re-do the assignment. sooooo then I call my mom and make the mistake of telling her about my missed class and about my not done essay. She didnt say much but I can tell shes not pleased. Anyways, so I get my math hw done and Im having issues with first aid but I dont even wanna go into that. The basis for my bad day was that I didnt get my essay done on time and that freaks me out. My first college assignment not done on time. Yikes.

Now I have english to do and its 10:14pm so lets hope I get it done by midnight so I can go to bed and get some much needed sleep.